The Groom – How to make him feel involved

May 18, 2011 by  
Filed under Wedding Planning

Many men would rather run screaming from the room than answer questions on their preference for flowers or silk vs satin… many don’t care (in the nicest possible way) whether the meal is chicken or beef but there is a silent group of men who would actually quite like to be involved in their own wedding.  Imagine.  In the modern day, no longer is the wedding just the bride’s special day: this is your day together – one that both of you will never forget.

it’s a way to start as you mean to go on.  Organising your wedding is probably the first chance you have had to work together on a major project and, as it’s about joining you together, it is only right that you both get equal say in what happens on this one special day.

Historically, the bride has done the planning, but now grooms are taking care of their own share of the wedding details.   They are, of course, more than just an accessory.  They are.  Yes.  And the duties and responsibilities for the wedding shouldn’t be broken down into gender roles – sit down and plan together – you’re both putting touches of your individual personalities into the celebration.

Get things started by doing your homework. There are tons of wedding magazines and books out there with ideas, tips and advice on planning your wedding together. However, if your groom is not quite there yet with wedding mags, several titles have been created just for grooms to take the mystery out of the whole wedding process. While you scour the mags, let him have a role in research.  A few selections to check out are:

The Pocket Idiot’s Guide to Being a Groom, by Jennifer Lata and Mark Rung (Alpha Books, 1999)

The Groom’s Survival Manual, by Michael R. Perry (Pocket Books, 1991)

What the Hell is a Groom and What’s He Supposed to Do?, by John Mitchell (Andrews & McMeel, 1999)

Surviving Your Wedding: A His and Her Guide, by Wendy and David Hubbert (Berkley Books, 2000)

Another way to help you plan is to use the Internet – computer wedding planning software can make being an organised bride and groom a reality and it may be a tool your intended feels more comfortable using.

After you’ve done your research, make lists – it’s one of the most efficient way of keeping track of the many, many wedding details.  Once you’ve agreed on the list, individually rank wedding elements from most important to least important. What stands out to you: the reception, the music or maybe your honeymoon? Get together – compare your lists and collate them into one which shows where each of your priorities lie.

Next, allocate responsibilities.  It can be a good idea to split tasks based on elements that you are the most interested in or have a specific set of skills in. Final decisions must include both of you, but separating the workload is guaranteed to make things easier.


When considering his role, make sure the groom’s role is not just financial: allow him to have an actual voice in the planning, even if his role as that of the organiser.  If you set the details, it is entirely possible to leave the achievement of the targets to him.   If you trust him enough to marry him…

There are many ways that grooms can get involved in the planning of your wedding.  Working together on some of the tasks below could go some way to make the process go a little smoother.

·      Picking the ceremony/reception locations.

·      Interviewing and booking the photographer, caterer and florist.

·      Organising the names and addresses for the guest list.

·      Planning the menu / picking the wedding cake.

·      Choosing the tuxedos for male members of the wedding party.

·      Arranging for transportation to the ceremony, reception and after all the festivities are over.

·      Selecting the officiant.

·      Writing the vows.

·      Shopping for the rings.

·      Selecting the gifts for the wedding party.

·      Picking music with the DJ/band.

·      Booking the honeymoon.

·      Helping out-of-town guests with their travel arrangements.

·      Registering for wedding gifts.

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